Move Along, Nothing to See Here

Breaking News: 17.4 million votes have been found dead in a quarry in Essex.

The votes had gone missing in 2016 and a three and a half year search finally made the gruesome discovery that confirmed that they were indeed dead. Police quickly cordoned off the quarry and set about the important task of destroying whatever evidence remained.

It is thought that the votes had legally tried to change the political system in the UK and had fallen foul of professional vote traffickers. Foreign-backed vote trafficking gangs have been operating in the UK for some years, preying on the hopes and dreams of vulnerable voters. Those wanting a better UK that is more accountable and democratic are easy prey for the ruthless gangs, who operate quite openly from offices in Westminster. The UK based gangs are thought to be part of an international cartel based in Brussels, which controls billions of pounds of laundered funds every year. Recently a major criminal sting netted the gangs £39 billion in just one operation.

Voters have not yet been informed that their votes are dead as efforts continue to pretend that the votes never existed in the first place. Disposal of the votes is continuing in an attitude of solemn disrespect, with teams of bureaucrats working through the night to bury each vote as deeply and finally as possible.