A new and potentially deadly mutation of Covid-19 has been identified. Please be vigilant!
Covid Control Disorder (CCD) and its more pernicious variant Paranoid Psychotic Covid Control Disorder (PP-CCD) is a highly contagious mutation of the Covid-19 virus and is spreading without restraint, mostly in middle-class and metropolitan areas. It is possible to catch this new variant without having Covid-19, and infection rates are much higher than Covid-19 itself – current estimates stand at between 45% – 85% of the UK population (thought to be similar across the developed world).
Are you, or is anybody you know, suffering from three or more of the following symptoms?
- Fear when leaving the house.
- Disinfecting post, deliveries, food shopping etc.
- Throwing yourself into hedges when passing others on country walks.
- A sense of moral superiority (particularly on Thursdays at 8pm).
- Indulging in frequent/excessive Victim Worship.
- Belief that Bill Gates is a philanthropic force for global health.
- Use of Covid-related emotional blackmail against friends, family members & acquaintances.
- Reading The Guardian.
- Consuming in excess of one hour of BBC News a day.*
- Evaluation of information based solely on level of fear-mongering content (more = good).
- Rising levels of compulsive need to shut down free speech.
- Unable to distinguish between your beliefs and a 3rd party’s rights to personal choice.**
- Belief that somebody in China ate a bat and now you and everyone you know will die, unless you obey the government, give up all your personal rights, freedoms and intellectual autonomy.**
*Intake of any amount of BBC content is contra-indicated for stable mental health and particularly advised against for those who need to exercise any form of professional judgement or discrimination. However up to one hour is within safety guidelines, if strict observation of safety precautions are followed.
**These severe symptoms indicate a high probability that you are suffering from the exceptionally pernicious form of Covid Control Disorder known as Paranoid Psychotic Covid Control Disorder (PPCCD) for which there is no known cure.
More About CCD & PP-CCD
Covid Control Disorder has taken hold with alarming rapidity amongst large sections of the global public currently under Lockdown. This is primarily a mental disorder, with associated physical manifestations, which can be an indication to the sufferer to seek help. It can strike at any age from 10 onwards and underlying health issues are not thought to play a part. Incidence levels are particularly high amongst former ‘Remoaners’ and ‘bed-wetting authoritarians’. (1)
CCD starts off as a mild sense of unease when going out in public – perhaps visualizing the ‘Spiky Norman’ (2) coronavirus particle on every surface you see and feeling the need to protect yourself from contamination. This can quickly lead to an inarticulate horror at the sight of other human beings and an obsession with the daily Covid-19 death toll. At this point, if the affliction is recognised and a swift, thorough intervention takes place, the sufferer may be saved from further escalation of symptoms. At this stage the sufferer can usually be cured of symptoms in around two weeks via total abstention from news media, ceasing contact with other sufferers, and a 12 step plan based on the works of Dr Jordan Peterson.
If the disease is left unchecked – or in the highly febrile situation that a spontaneous outbreak occurs amongst a large group of interconnected people such as furloughed teachers, public servants or media industry commentators – extreme measures must be taken.
In this case sufferers will show signs of physical revulsion towards flesh and blood human beings, animals and nature. They will interact with others only via electronic means. Their brains will become unable to process any information other than alarmist doom-mongering narratives and they may even cite Greta Thunberg and the Singapore robo-dog as future guardians of mankind. They shun sunlight, refuse to leave their rooms, lurk at their curtained-windows with binoculars and a cell phone, and report Lockdown violations to local area Facebook groups. They violently defend a permanent two metre radius between themselves and family members, may call publicly for school children to be locked up and disinfected, and demand that anybody still going out in public signs a waiver to say that they will never, ever use the NHS again, because they are selfish, arrogant and reckless far-right Nazis who love to kill people.
Quite clearly, in these circumstances the virus has mutated into Paranoid Psychotic Covid Control Disorder, where sufferers not only feel the need to control every last microbe in their own environment (as is the case in primary CCD) but have extended their need for control to every other living thing on the planet, believing that everyone who does not have CCD is deliberately trying to harm ‘vulnerable people’. (Interestingly a common thread in both CCD and PP-CCD is the transference of believed victim status from the sufferer to other non-specific members of society. In the mind of the sufferer there is always a theoretical potential victim which drives their irrational justifications for excessively controlling behaviour, whilst simultaneously feeding their sense of moral superiority, creating a vicious circle of self-aggrandizing neurological feedback.)
Scientists are working on several approaches to recovery, however none at this stage are showing consistent results. It is thought that an individual programme must be tailored for every sufferer, to understand exactly where in the psyche this disease has taken root and to weed out all elements of personal gratification received from the heightened sense of vicarious victim superiority this insidious disease invokes. However, all programmes involve total abstention from current mainstream media, removal of any PPE, exposure therapy to gradually reintroduce sufferers back into pre-corona human behaviour patterns, critical thinking skills-training, and a sustained course (possibly lifelong) of thought provoking literature, especially focusing on the history of civilization and the rise of dictatorships.
What to do if you think you have CCD
If you think you, or someone you know may be suffering from Covid Control Disorder, please call 0800 G-E-T-A-L-I-F-E immediately and an unwashed intervention team will visit you to dispense group hugs, the works of John Locke, lectures by Prof Knut Wittkowski and Professor Delores Cahill PhD and an inventory of The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation’s funding donations to mainstream media outlets. Ongoing resources for health include The Emperor’s New Clothes, ‘Self-Reliance’ by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Brave New World, Nineteen Eighty Four and interviews with Dr Andrew Kaufman and Dr Judy Mikovits.
CCD & PP-CCD: Stay Free, Stay Human, Save Your Rights!
- ‘Bed-wetting Authoritarians’ This refers specifically to Brexit voters originally thought to be freethinkers, but revealed by the Coronavirus Lockdown to be a lesser form of fear-ridden statist. First identified by James Delingpole
- ‘Spiky Norman’ is a colloquial moniker for the familiar visual of the coronavirus particle, now in common parlance. First attributed to Bartholomew Chiaroscuro